then i open my eyes. big mistake.
instead, i see a depressed, fatigued, very over-weight girl who loves the Lord but is trying to figure out what that means for her life, while drowning under thousands of dollars of debt and single as single can be.
but the most important thing ive learned.....is the "loves the Lord" part.
Dad points me to Philippians a lot, specifically chapter 4. He points me there so much in fact, that I've started pointing myself there when I find myself whining about how my life isnt what I want it to be.
I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. -Phil4:11b-13
I have never suffered. I've never in my life known what true hunger is. I've never lived without a roof over my head. I've never had my family turn their backs on me. I've never been without. ...without anything. and in fact, ive always had most of what i wanted! Paul suffered; yet he found contentment.
So, I am learning to find the balance between being content and also bettering my life. I want to be out of debt because a) its unBiblical, and b) i would SO love to do better things with my money. like support a missionary. give to Awana. give to my church. pay for hair school so that I can make a career out of what I love doing. buy a wardrobe that isnt faded with holes all over it. SAVE. you know. stuff I've never done before.
I am supposed to be taking care of the Temple I've been given. being 75 lbs overweight isnt exactly healthy.....so as soon as I'm recovered from surgery I'm going to take care of that too. not because I need to be attractive, which was always my goal (though that is a bonus for finding the aforementioned man ^_^), but because I need and want to be healthy.
As for hair school......I want to be a hair stylist. I have a lot of friends who firmly believe that God guides our every step in life. That He opens doors and closes them, and that He has a very specific plan for our lives here on earth. I haven't had the time to study that theory in and out, so im not entirely sure of my view. Maybe He does, but I'm not sure I've found Biblical, in-context evidence to support that, and I'm not sure I want to waste my life away wondering "crap! is this His sign??? What if He wants me here? What if I'm doing the wrong thing?"..........I think I would rather serve the Lord in whatever I'm doing. I happen to want to do hair. I can absolutely witness to people from behind a chair. A plus to getting a hair-cut (well for women anyway) is being able to spill your guts to an outsider - your stylist! So without preaching, I could absolutely share my testimony and offer Biblical advice, while also ministering at church via being a leader for youth groups, leading worship, etc. Not to mention the fact that doing hair combines everything im good at and everything I love. As long as I am serving the Lord I'm not sure He really cares exactly what I'm doing. Maybe someday I'll change my mind. But for now, thats my opinion.
Anyway. Those are my random hey-its-1-oclock-in-the-morning-on-my-birthday thoughts.
Maybe my projected vision will be true by the time my 26th birthday rolls around. For now, I'll close my eyes and..
Pray.
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