The Body

“If you find the perfect church, don't join it, because then it won't be perfect anymore."

"If you should find the perfect church
Without one fault or smear,
For goodness sake! Don't join that church
You'd spoil the atmosphere."



Before I start this post, let me just say that I realize that everything I’m about to say is an attitude problem I have. No need to point it out, I know.


No church (talking about the body of people, not the brick building itself) is perfect. The people that make up the congregation are, well, people! Sinful humans.

But I’ve just really been struggling with “church” lately.

Last year, I found an incredible one. One that teaches Scripture as is: literally, historically, gramatically. They seemed to overflow with God’s grace. The pastor actually kept me awake the whole service, which is rare. The worship was worshipful! (I don’t have a single thing against hymns, but I find myself following and relating to and getting more out of contemporary worship songs – songs that the band Hillsong does, for example. I got that from this church.) The people were nice. The pastors were nice. It wasn’t stiff and stuffy like other churches I’ve been to. I was so happy.

I found myself involved in a Bible study with 4 other girls around my age. They were (and still are) the epitome of what mid-twenties girls striving to live their lives for Christ look like. They’re fun. They still joke around, they still go out, they still watch movies, etc. But they don’t cuss, they don’t get drunk, they don’t really talk about inappropriate subjects and in fact often do find themselves discussing spiritual things in normal conversation - it’s just so encouraging to be around “real” people that still aspire to live their lives according to what God wants for us.

Throughout our weekly heart-to-heart discussions in the first couple months, I made it pretty clear that I was wanting to make some drastic decisions in my life. I wanted to cut myself away from the people I felt were dragging me down. I wanted to stop drinking. I wanted to stop being inappropriate physically. I wanted to change my life around. The girls were totally behind me 100%, and a big part of the reason I felt I was strong enough to make the changes I did on the first of this year was because I knew I had a solid group backing me up and encouraging me that I could do it with Christ’s strength. And I did it! And knew in my heart it was the right thing to do.

But then…..well things sort of just fell away. I realized a few months ago that the only time I ever saw these girls was at church functions – Sunday mornings or Wednesday night Bible studies. Once in a great while, like maybe once every month and a half or so, I’d get a call inviting me to go hang out with them somewhere. And that was great! But I knew that the rest of the girls in the group were hanging out on a regular basis. It was all over their facebooks in statuses, wall-posts back and forth to each other, and then pictures that go up the next day. Why am I always singled out? I think most of them grew up together, so I get it. They’re tight. But what about the rest of us that need friends too?

I know I’m not the only person that feels this way. I’ve had conversations with a lot of other people in our college group, and they all feel that our group at church is incredibly “clicky”, and if you’re not cool enough to join the already-bonded group, well forget it. So some of us hang out on our own, but it still just doesn’t feel good!

I think the thing that really gets to me is that no one seems to care anymore. When someone falls of the face of the earth and stops trying to communicate, more often than not that’s when they need someone. That’s when they’re struggling. That’s when they need their brothers and sisters and Christ to come up on either side and help them! I’ve seen it happen to a couple girls from our small group that just stopped coming. I tried to text or facebook them to see what was going on, but they just weren’t insterested in reconnecting. And I know how they feel…..

Example, I had major surgery…..it was a biiiig deal, the subject of my health problems had been a topic of conversation for several months (mostly because one of the girls is a med student and was interested), and everyone knew about the surgery. I had ONE girl from the group come to the hospital (a new girl, who is in the “I-want-to-get-to-know-everyone-and-be-everyone’s-friend!” phase). Not that there is anything wrong with that, but where were all the other girls who have known about this surgery for a long time? Not one phonecall, not one text message, not one visit, nothing. Two of them finally texted me last week to see how I was doing. Uhhh…….I’ve been recovered for a couple weeks now, but thanks…….I haven’t gone back to Bible study since. And they don’t really seem to care! They don’t call me to see if I’m coming or text me the next day to see where I was….it’s like I never existed. So if they don’t care, I don’t care. <------- THAT’s where the attitude problem comes in. Like I said, I realize it, I know, but that’s where my heart’s at right now. I’ve been trying for well over a year now to “fit in” with this group and this church, and it’s just not happening…amazing of a church as it is.

Not just with my Bible study girls, but with the college-age pastor; with the music ministry that I can't seem to get into....etc.

All of that to say, I’m not falling back into my old habits. I’m still reading and studying the Bible, although not nearly as often as I should if I’m being honest, I’m still going to Mom and Dad with questions, I’m still learning and growing and I still want absolutely nothing to do with my old lifestyle. But doesn’t the Bible say that we need the Body of Christ? Aren’t we supposed to be part of it? To worship and fellowship with other believers and build each other up, etc? I know I need to be involved and be fed and to minister and all that stuff. And I’m eager to! I’m just not sure this church is the place for me.


Join me in praying for my attitude and my heart, would ya?

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
-Casting Crowns