These usually don't last very long....

I'll warn you ahead of time. I always start blogs with the best of intentions but um......well I'm not one for consistency in some areas. I nag myself incessantly about keeping up a journal. I love reading through them weeks, months, years later - seeing what I've learned, seeing how I've grown, documenting my questions and answers. I'm not consistent with journaling either, partially because I feel like I write too slowly and can't get everything down that I want to get down. But I have this 30 minute lunchbreak monday - friday every week and I guess I've decided that maybe I should make better use of it....so I guess I'll just journal how I'm feeling electronically; what I'm going through; the questions I'm trying to answer; whatever comes to mind :) I ask two things: dont judge me. and tell me what's on your mind. if you have any advice, if you think I'm completely wrong, if you have anything to say that's not...destructive...I'd love to hear it.

(ps, the name came from a song I was listening to at the time. thanks enya!)

so let's get to it. Is it ok to be angry with God? I hear people say that all the time. "well so-and-so was angry with Him in the Bible, so yeah it's ok!" But...is it?? I mean..it's GOD we're talking about here. You know....Creator of the UNIVERSE? Knows everything has this great plan....how is it ok to be angry with Him? I'm not really even sure if anger is what I'm feeling. There have been SEVERAL times in the last few weeks where I have cried out to Him in desperation, usually because I'm having a serious conversation with someone and have absolutely nothing to say. I search and search and search my mind for a Scripture, a piece of wisdom, ANYthing to help this person. I've been told the Holy Spirit will bring Scriptures to mind in times of need. So where was He? Why was I sitting there with a blank stare while my friend was searching for answers? It's so frustrating. I want so desperately to be able to help them and all I can come up with is "I'll pray for you". Really?

So I'm not sure it's anger. Maybe just frustration. But whatever it is I'm not dealing with it well. I feel alone. I haven't felt His presence in a very long time, and the times in the past I thought I had, I'm wondering if it was just an emotion. I know we don't always feel Him and that's fine. But when time after time I cry out and get nothing......well I dunno. That's just how I feel.